As the God-awful year of 2021 draws to a close, it’s easy to be hopeful 2022 will be a return to normalcy. It couldn’t get any worse, right? Wait. Scratch that. But while we all look to the sunrise with dreams of a better tomorrow, I think it’s important to look back at some of our mistakes. Of course, we don’t need to revel in them, but maybe by listening to the ugly, privileged, and boring Top 10 Worst Songs of 2021, we can learn to be better? Well, it hasn’t helped before but let’s not get wrapped up in technicalities, okay?
There were many songs to choose from this year. Some obvious ones like the country anthem about Applebee’s or anything from Imagine Dragons. But let’s talk about the absolute worst!
As long as Maroon 5 or Blake Shelton exists, there will always be spots on top worst lists. But I feel like the worst of the worst shared a common theme that tracks all the way down to the end of this article. Before we get started, just remember this is my personal list of worst songs. It’s not meant to throw shade at anyone who enjoys these particular songs or artists but if the shoe fits…
10. Twenty One Pilots – “Saturday”
Whoa, already bringing out the big guns straight out the gate!? Well sort of. If you’ve followed my time at this publication over the years, you already know my history with Twenty One Pilots. I wrote an exaggerated negative review for a remix album and it not only resulted in years of literal death threats and hate mail but it still stands as the most viewed article in the site’s history. A few years later, I used their 2018 album Trench as an example of how the media is obsessed with depression and the threats became even more personal. So what have Twenty One Pilots done this time?
Released an incredibly boring single called “Saturday”. That’s really about it. I wish I could write some sneering review but that would mean this song would’ve made me feel something. “Saturday” is just a really dull, uninspired dreck. So boring I (thankfully) forget every single thing about it after as soon as it’s over. Yawn, another medium-tempo dance track spitting off days of the week. “Saturday” is the coolest day of the week, It’s treason to make a song about it and be this boring. In some ways, that’s probably more offensive than their usual schlock of romanticizing mental illness for profits. Eh, maybe not.
9. Justin Bieber – “Peaches”
I know trashing Beiber is predictable seeing as I’ve praised albums from Exodus and Failure this year. But my love of aggressive music doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a good pop song. This, however, is not one of them. On paper, it checks out. Smooth groove, slick production, and an ear-worm hook. Well, part of one anyway. Seriously. The hook is just part of a line repeated over and over as if it wants you to think it’s a solid hook.
That’s the thing with adult Bieber though, isn’t it? He wants you to think he is someone or something he is not. Does he really have a great voice? Is this song really catchy? While you ponder those questions, take a look at the music video. There’s so much cultural appropriation than even I, a straight white man in his 30s, is cringing. Perhaps if Bieber spent less time trying to convince others he isn’t appropriating, he could focus on fine-tuning his own talent. Come to think of it, he has more in common with that other pop star named Justin. More than I originally thought.
8. Glass Animals – “Heat Waves”
Have you ever heard a new song and swear you heard it 5 or 6 years ago? That was me the first of 100,000 times I heard “Heat Waves”. Plastic faux-hop beat, wallpaper synth, dry toast vocals, and some very corny ‘trap’ vocal samples. If this came out in say, 2015 it would’ve sucked, but here we are in 2021 and it was played like a revolution. Why?
While on the topic, doesn’t it feel like indie bands are afraid to play guitars these days? Sure, flashy virtuosic solos can be douchy but you know what? So can synths and keyboards. Especially when artists are trying to sound like something your mom listened to when shopping at TJ Maxx in 1990. If you’re not gonna give me any emotion or soul, would it be too much to ask for a bit more seasoning?
7. Bella Thorne – “Phantom”
The Disney Channel has stayed in business by acting like this weird talent agency harvesting the next splash in the bedpan 5 years down the road. I mean look at their track record. A strong percentage of today’s most talked-about figures in entertainment all had sitcoms on the cable network a decade ago. But then there’s Bella Thorne. She rose to mainstream stardom by appropriating sex workers for attention and basically screwed them out of their living by causing OnlyFans to temporarily ban adult material. She could be a really nice lady for all I know, but nothing about her career ambitions give me any hope.
“Phantom” is pretty insipid and a strong contender for the worst of the year if I could stomach to compare it to the others. Who is this made for? There’s no way you’d hear this in a club and I strongly doubt this parody-esque white girl hip-hop would ever chart. Just what she’s doing with her voice throughout this atrocity anyway? It’s like the worst elements of a bratty rich kid forcing their latest endeavor upon you then getting upset when you dislike it. Maybe she’s tone-deaf? Maybe she’s just in it for the party? That’s fine but let me tell you something about a girl who loves to party; she’s a lot of fun until she pukes on your good shoes.
6. Lorde – “Solar Power”
I may be in the minority but I’ve always thought Lorde was the most boring of modern pop stars. While everyone was losing their minds over “Royals” a few years back and claiming she was some sort of genius, I was left scratching my head. Did I miss something? Probably. But with her ‘comeback’ single “Solar Power” it’s like the producer missed booking an actual band. I understand not everything has to be a sprawling epic but come on. “Solar Power” can’t decide if it wants to steal Primal Scream’s “Loaded”, George Michael’s “Freedom”, or some kind of yogurt commercial. I don’t know and I don’t care. Wake me when it’s over.
For those of you who want a deeper discussion of this song (no kink-shaming here), you can listen to the first episode of the Crushed Monocle Podcast.
5. Guns N’ Roses – “AbsuRd”
I’ve never been a huge fan of GnR. Probably because I was only like 10 years old by the time their heyday was over. However, even I know a brand new song from GnR made up of Axl, Slash, and Duff is nothing short of monumental! Unfortunately, what we get is, for the lack of a better word; absurd. How can a band full of seasoned musicians manage to come back with their worst song?
A generic guitar riff complete with yawn-inducing lead fills from Slash, Duff probably went out for a smoke, and Axl does his best John Lydon impersonation. Just why is Axl British now anyway? Is this what fans waited nearly decades for? Don’t even get me started on the juvenile, edge-lord lyrics or that God-awful autotuned Axl wail. So yeah, ol’ GnR can stay gone for another 30 years if this is what they’re packing.
4. Machine Gun Kelly – “Papercuts”
I’m trying really really hard not to hate on anything from the TikTok generation for the sole reason of being part of the TikTok generation but man, MGK is just… terrible. On the surface, I’m happy to hear some electric guitars but musically, “Papercuts” is just an empty cover of “Where Is My Mind” fused with “Brain Stew”. Then again, the kids who think this is good have probably never heard those songs. But then there’s MGK himself; the most embarrassing try-hard in pop. Oh and Travis Barker is there too. Two old man-children insisting they’re rad dude skate punks.
Once again, you don’t need guitars to make a good rock song. But at the very least, you do need some passion. There’s absolutely nothing here. Just a rich man who woke up one day and decided to cosplay a rock star. He has the money, resources, and color to do it so he did. I guess you could probably interchange this review with that Bella Thorne track if you really wanted to. I think is the worst of the two though.
3. Adele – “Go Easy On Me
Here in the United States, we’ve had a lot to be sad about. Hundreds of thousands of people dead in a pandemic, civil unrest, riots, protests, political uncertainty, and the feeling of all-around hopelessness. Do you know what we don’t need? Another boring, sad-sack, piano ballad only Adele could offer.
Despite her beautiful voice and soulful performance, Adele’s persona has always been the common best friend. She swears, pokes fun at herself, and drinks a bottle of wine when she’s down. But how far does that persona go when less fortunate people are falling on hard times?
And worst of all… here comes the sound of that sweet sweet privilege.
It’s been said “Go Easy On Me” is about Adele’s failed relationship and divorce with Simon Konecki. This is apparent in the lyrics. Go easy on me baby, I was still a child. Didn’t get the chance to feel the world around me. I had no time to choose what I chose to do. While I can’t speak for anyone here, they dated for 7 years before getting married. That’s plenty of time to get to know a person AND feel the world. Not to mention she has been a wildly successful recording artist since the age of 19.
It’s also worth noting, Adele is worth over $200 million dollars. So she has the luxury of pretty much going anywhere and doing anything when and how she wants. But go easy on her? Ok. It’s like Jimmy Fallon, Gal Gadot, and all those other celebrities singing “Imagine” over a Zoom call last year as a way to defeat COVID. I also want to point out something. To meet the vinyl pressing requirements of Adele’s label, manufacturers had to put minor releases on the backburner as if they were less important to consumers. The delays caused many indie labels to lose contracts with artists and some even went out of business. But yeah, let’s all go easy on Adele, her life is really tough.
2. Aaron Lewis – “Am I The Only One”
For those of you who haven’t successfully blocked the early 2000’s nu-metal trend from memory, you probably remember Aaron Lewis as the singer from Staind. A band who made a few bucks by churning out songs about yelling at their fathers for being mean, being bullied at school, and just general pent-up aggression. Lewis has now switched gears and has tried his hand in a new direction. Country. Lewis has mellowed some of the aggression in his old age but instead of yelling at parents, classmates, and society, he’s doing what most white, 50-year-old conservatives do: Yelling at the media, millennials, and liberals.
“Am I The Only One” is an intimate acoustic ballad that begins with Lewis being concerned with the direction of the United States. He claims he shakes his head in disgust, yells at his TV, and openly admits he has become his father. On the surface, it’s a nice anecdote. Although corny and predictable of the genre, it’s breezy and seemingly heartfelt. That is until it reaches the chorus where it’s revealed what he is yelling about: the removal of Confederate monuments.
Yes, Aaron Lewis has crafted a tear-jerking ballad about how upset he is to see Confederacy statues being removed. Ugh, the worst.
I’m sure I don’t have to go into a history lesson as to why the Confederacy is an unsightly grease stain on America’s already questionable history. But for those who aren’t privy, it was a war of bitterness, blood-letting treason. I highly recommend reading about it. Spoiler alert: those dudes weren’t for equality, harmony, or anything resembling peace unless you believed a particular way or were of a particular color. Oh, and they lost. The monuments in question were erected in the 1930s as a stark reminder of how racism is alive, well, and not going anywhere anytime soon.
But politics aside, “Am I The Only One” is essentially an entry in a redneck diary. The soundtrack to milquetoast tantrums from Right-Wingers after being told ‘no’. Lots of “if you don’t like it, leave” and “I’m willing to die for Old Glory” scenarios and even a head-scratching dig at Bruce Springsteen. Sure, Lewis is entitled to his opinions but in order for a ballad to work, it has to come from an honest place. Need I remind you, Lewis has never served, can leave the country anytime he wishes, and will never have the success or adoration of The Boss.
1. Taylor Swift – “I Bet You Think About Me”
Just as my Worst of 2019 list a few years back, the queen of privilege takes the top spot. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s no denying Taylor Swift is a hard-working, brand strengthening powerhouse in the music industry whose ear is placed firmly on the pulse of what her fandom wants to hear. But just like the aforementioned article, I do take more issue with Swift as a person over Swift as an artist. Her relationships, be it personal or professional are none of my business. But with her personal life as the biggest selling point of her brand, it’s next to impossible to separate the two without bias.
In an attempt to gain control of her original recordings and bury the original pressings with Big Machine Records, Swift has taken it upon herself to re-record said records along with a slew of bonus tracks. “I Bet You Think About Me” was originally intended for Swift’s 2012 album Red and became the lead single for 2021’s Red – The Taylor Version. Also one of the two types of singles Swift is only capable of. If it’s not a meandering unrequited pillow talk love song, it’s an angry rich white girl claps back at the haters song.
While there’s nothing that stands out as offensively bad about it, “I Bet You Think About Me” is certainly not even her worst song. However, it is a proper representation of Swift’s problematic persona.
I mean, it could very well be about a jaded ex throwing proverbial shade about the man who did her wrong but had no problem moving on. The kind of thing one may sulk about over a gallon of ice cream or a few adult drinks. But for someone who has never failed to put her own past relationships on blast for profit, “I Bet You Think About Me” comes off as narcissistic, privileged, and petty. Not to mention this is the same artist who takes no issue with ruining the lives of anyone who crosses her while crying victim with a mere negative album review.
You could make the argument that Swift was 20 years old when she allegedly wrote the song. “I Bet You Think About Me” is very petty, juvenile, and melodramatic like most 20-year-olds. But it was recorded, released, and marketed as a single in 2021, the height of her career and prowess. Again, there is nothing wrong with a bitter jaded lover song, but it’s still extremely difficult to differentiate the art from the artists. Even more so when said artist is being touted as an idol and feminist icon to legions of young, naive fans.
“I Bet You Think About Me” also brings into question pop culture’s fascination/obsession with vengeance. Something Taylor Swift has based a majority of her career on nurturing.
Not only does the obsession mentality tell you it’s okay to be defined by those who hurt you, but it encourages any form of retaliation (be it petty or dangerous) as a justifiable cause. Of course, that could be reading a bit too deep into a forgettable pop song from a simple pop star. But I wonder what would happen if a single member of Swift’s toxic fandom got ahold of my personal address after reading this article? I love how she takes a dig at the antagonist in the song with the lyrics “I bet you think about me when you’re out at your cool indie music concerts every week”. Should we remind her how she claims to be an indie artist?
In the same breath, she money-shames the antagonist with “I bet you think about me in your house with your organic shoes and your million-dollar couch I bet you think about me when you say ‘Oh my god, she’s insane, she wrote a song about me'”. The single person who can easily afford a million-dollar couch. Most likely several. But how about the line about how the person will claim she is insane for writing such a song? Give a guess how Swift is able to afford such luxurious furnishing: By writing songs about her exes.
Either way, this song’s self-importance, eye-rolling schmaltziness is *almost* as painfully corny as its music video. Taylor Swift is the absolute worst.
If this list tells us anything, it’s that America has some serious identity issues. The worst kind. Just about every artist on this list is trying hard to be something they’re not. Be it talented, iconic, or interesting. But this lack of authenticity says a lot about the mental and emotional state of their listeners. It’s easy to block out the world by throwing headphones on and turning the music up, but what is it really doing for us? If the songs climbing the charts are hopped up on narcism, vanity, cultural appropriation, (and sometimes racism), are we really any better than the people we’re trying to rise above?
I dunno, but I’m gonna recalibrate my mind with some of my favorite albums of 2021. You know, the ones about murder, depression, and anarchy…