Let’s start this review of Peter Pan & Wendy with a disclaimer: I barely remember the 1953 animated movie; don’t think I ever saw any other iteration e.g. Hook (1991), Pan (2015), etc., etc., ad nauseam. I remember the bit about a stage performance of it in 21 Jump Street (2012), but beyond that… The intention here is to establish that I’m going blind, disregarding all the internet frenzy and whatnot. Thus, we’re about to explore how this movie performs as a standalone entity. Beware. Spoilers ahead.
CHILDREN’S MOVIES
The film begins during Wendy’s (Ever Anderson) last night at home before departing for boarding school. Her brothers, Kid One and Kid with teddy bear are fighting in their shared bedroom with wooden sword fights. I don’t remember the brothers’ names because they are there, they do things but are such non-characters my brain barely registers their existence. Strike one.
Wendy joins the mock fight, breaks a mirror, and blames her brothers for the deed. According to her, this is true pirate fashion. Not sure what’s the message here. I don’t think we ever learn Wendy’s age. Thanks to the magic of flashbacks and old-timey pictures she’s at least five years older than Kid One, who looks 10 at minimum. Which is to say, she’s a messed up role model. They get mildly scolded by Papa and sent to bed. It’s clear the director did not want an authoritarian father figure because they cast Alan Tudyk. No one can seriously take Mr. Tudyk as a stern male presence; no one, trust me.
WENDY BEMOANS THE IMPENDING CHANGE IN HER STATUS QUO AND IS HONESTLY RUDE TO HER MOM, WHO’S TRYING TO MAKE HER SEE THE ADVENTURES AWAITING HER IN A NEW PLACE SURROUNDED BY NEW PEOPLE. PETER PAN & WENDY WILL KEEP PUSHING THIS ADVENTUROUS AGENDA TO POORLY DEVELOPED RESULTS, BUT WE’LL GET THERE; NEVER FEAR.
As the three siblings snore, the first alleged controversy of the movie shows up. Tinker Bell (Yara Shahidi) enters their third-floor bedroom through a window. For no particular reason, the fairy makes Wendy float in her sleep until Kid One catches her. The fairy, not the floating sister. In awe, the trio discusses the improbability of the existence of something they have right in front of them.
Here is where the movie starts to lose me. This is a story about kids who know stories, and those stories become real before their eyes. So, technically, they know everything there’s to know about this situation, and yet as the movie progresses they’ll act like they have no fukken clue. Strike two.
The second controversy appears. Wait, was Peter Pan (Alexander Molony) a controversy too? Now I’m not sure because the internet seems to freak out whenever anything “beloved” is changed— so, who knows?
Nevertheless, Double P is looking for his shadow. Yeah, I’m aware this is based on a book for children, but the whole independent shadow thing is wacky AF. A chase to catch the elusive silhouette ensues, wreaking havoc around the house. Sneaky shade caught, the movie moves along and contrivances happen to make the siblings go to Neverland. I’m jumping like 10 minutes of nonsense because nothing happens. Although, there is an interesting thing before they go toward the whatever number star next to the bathroom; their St. Bernard, Nana, is smart enough to keep the fairy dust from making her float toward annihilation. Good doggie.
THE INTERNET MADE A FUSS ABOUT PETER PAN & WENDY DEPICTION OF NEVERLAND. WERE THEY EXPECTING JAMES CAMERON’S PANDORA? THIS MOVIE IS FIRMLY GROUNDED IN REALITY— FAIRY DUST, NON-AGING KIDS, AND ZANY SHENANIGANS NOTWITHSTANDING. YES, THEY CHOSE A VERY BORING LANDSCAPE, BUT IT’S SERVICEABLE IN THE MOST STOIC FASHION, AND WHAT’S THE POINT OF BEING MAD ABOUT A FICTIONAL PLACE? INSTEAD, PAY ATTENTION TO THE EXOTIC CASTING!
The gang arrives, and it’s immediately attacked by pirates. These maritime scallywags look like a bunch of leftovers from the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, pickled in diversity and BO. Jude Law can do no wrong in my book, and his portrayal of Hook is the highlight of the movie. The attack leaves Wendy stranded ashore without Double P or her brothers around.
Another point of contention about this remake rears its diverse and multi-gendered head in the form of a group of children who also attack our heroine until they discover she’s “a” Wendy. This made me chuckle thanks to that other female name of current use with an A preceding it. And (in some ways) that reference is a portent of things to come. Nevertheless, as someone who doesn’t care or have any love for the supposed lore of this story, my conclusion can only be one; kids are dumb— regardless of gender and social status.
CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
Mostly through info dumps and a whole lot of telling instead of showing, we learn Hook was the first Lost Boy. This is what makes his relationship with Flying Peter so strenuously complicated. As an adult old enough to be a frigging grandparent I do not endorse mouthy kids. Therefore whenever Peter Square is sassy with Hook, I’m not on board. This kid is not a dashing hero; he’s just a bad example and a lawsuit waiting to happen.
BOTH HOOK AND PETER PAN HAVE MOMMY ISSUES AND PETER PAN & WENDY DOES NOT GIVE US A CLEAR PATH TO NEITHER ADDRESS NOR SOLVE THEM. THE TITULAR WENDY CANNOT BE A MOTHER FIGURE BECAUSE THE ONLY TIME SHE INTERACTED WITH HER MOTHER, THE MOVIE PORTRAYS HER AS RUDE AND CONDESCENDING, AND DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO BE A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR HER BROTHERS.
However, the problem with “kids being whatevers” crosses into cyclical territory in all fronts. We see Hook being a total a-hole to the pirate who raised him now that the man is his second. What fairy tale contrivance makes the person who found you— your underling? Hook isn’t a prince rescued by the castle’s cook. This should be Strike Three, but as I said before, it’s my boy Jude, so I’m gonna let it slide.
Shenanigans ensue. Hook kills Double P. Wendy, her brothers, Tinker Bell, and the Lost Prepubescent Humans are captured. Hook decides to kill all the pests, but the magic of plot armor and lazy writing allows Wendy to convince him to only sacrifice her and raise the others to be pirates. I assume in the hopes that someday they’re all shits to him as he is to whatshisface second in command.
Meanwhile, Double P’s shadow becomes useful and runs to Princess Tiger Lily for help. She comes to wherever the heck Pete lies “dead” and because of Native Natural Knowledge restores him to full potency. Back in top shape after a fatal wound, Pete P is only missing his ability to fly ’cause there ain’t no fairy to dust him.
Back on the pirate ship (does it even have a name?), Wendy is about to walk the plank. Tinker Bell escapes her glass prison, and the trailer for the movie happens.
CHILDISH MODERNISM
Remember how TV commercials used to have a warning: DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME. Hollywood is doing the opposite by encouraging everyone to be everything.
DESPITE WHAT PETER PAN & WENDY TRAILER TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES, WENDY IS NOT A BADASS GIRL. SHE HAS A BURST OF BADASSERY IN THE THIRD ACT, BUT THOSE ACCOUNT FOR BASICALLY FIVE MINUTES OF A 100 AND CHANGE-MINUTES RUN. WHOEVER CONCOCTED THE MARKETING FOR THIS MOVIE INTENTIONALLY MISREPRESENTED ITS MAIN FEMALE CHARACTER.
The first hurdle for me to enjoy Ever Anderson’s characterization of Wendy was her uncanny resemblance to a young Milla Jovovich in The Fifth Element (1997). I was honestly waiting for her to turn back to the camera, break the fourth wall, and say, “Multipass.” I kid you not. They even share the same expressions in moments of grief or hopelessness. Very distracting.
Still, I’m glad Wendy did not start the movie at the high of her powers, sorry, badassery. There’s no hero’s journey if the person begins the journey already a hero. The thing is— Wendy’s journey is never really explored. When the movie opens, she doesn’t want to grow. By the end of the second act, Neverland is not the place because it isn’t what she thought it’d be. Out of the blue, she uses an imaginary future, where she’s a fulfilled adult, as happy thoughts; the energy she needs to fly and rescue those in danger. All this is because the movie demands it, not because there has been any character growth.
Wendy, who was against disturbing her status quo, goes and smashes that of the Lost but Independent Children of Neverland. It’s because of her that they choose to go back to the normal world. She makes them remember they miss their mothers. The problem here is that we don’t know how long they’ve been outside time and space. Hook, the alleged first Lost Child, is a middle age man now; that on itself is a plot hole. Why did he grow after he was rescue as a child by the pirate? Ageing is not a thing in Neverland, right? Or is it a choice? How long have the Lost Children been the same age?
MODERN HOLLYWOOD’S OBSESSION WITH INFUSING EVERYTHING WITH AN ALMOST RITUALISTIC DIVERSITY BREAKS LOGIC AND REASONING. THE END OF PETER PAN & WENDY TAKES THE LOST CHILDREN BACK TO LONDON, DUMPING ABOUT 20 KIDS OF VARYING ETHNIC BACKGROUNDS INTO THE LAP OF AN UNSUPECTED COUPLE. ANY VIEWER WITH A LITTLE BIT OF UNDERSTANDING OF LIFE AT THE SUPPOSED TIME OF THE STORY KNOWS THOSE KIDS END UP IN A WORKHOUSE.
The alleged happy ending is truly a tragedy when you take real life into consideration. It’s very cute to infuse modern life into everything, but what’s the point? This is an honest question I ask because I cannot see the answer. The forgotten “life is an adventure” subplot comes back to whimper in the final throes of the movie only because the writers remember it. Not a triumphal moral to our story, but a feeble attempt to let us know Wendy is ready to grow up. Balderdash.
Plot holes and lazy writing aside, this film is not horrible. It wouldn’t be the first thing I show my kids if I want them to be well-adjusted human beings but it’s fine. This is the kind of content you have as background noise while you do something else; not offensive, yet nothing to write home about either.
It gets a 6 out of 10.
Peter Pan & Wendy is currently streaming on Disney+