Welcome to Lyric Shrink, my semi-monthly breakdown of lyrics from a psychological perspective. I’m a licensed independent mental health professional Ryan McCann. Take a seat on the couch, relax, and let’s see what our latest client has to tell us. Lyric Shrink – Vulnerability: A Lyrical Analysis of Sara Watkins Tenderhearted.
Have you ever stubbed your toe? I mean, really smacked it against a table leg or dresser on a cold night’s stumble to the bathroom? I bet you swallowed the curses you wanted to let out for fear of waking others, and then you walked gingerly to your destination thinking “Son of a bitch, that stings!”
Well, you just experienced a taste of what many of us do with our psychological pain. We suppress it, stuff it, and maybe even eat it for fear of burdening others.
Maybe forces reinforce avoidance of our strong feelings. Society, parents, peers, and lovers all come to my mind. Our own pain can be a deterrent to expression as well. Pain activates all sorts of thoughts and behaviors because we just want it to be over. Why relive the pain by talking to someone about it? Sara Watkins can give us a few clues in Tenderhearted, her closing song from the album Young in All The Wrong Ways.
God bless the tenderhearted
Who will love us face to face
Untempered and unguarded
They see through our mistakes
They have lost and been broken
More than we will ever know
But it’s the tenderhearted
Who let life overflow
Sara mournfully whispers the opening chorus describing the tenderhearted as bedraggled but open and full of life, seemingly a contradiction. Someone beaten by life isn’t supposed to be considered blessed and quite often isn’t a fountain of life-giving energy. What is it these tenderhearted people have that allows them to move forward when others collapse? Vulnerability: that word that probably makes you cringe a little. Reading it probably caused you to recall several hurtful moments where someone preyed upon your weakness or jabbed at your insecurity. And if it didn’t, that last sentence did. It’s
OK, go with those feelings while we review the next two verses exploring the antithesis of vulnerability, guarded.
All the pain a world can bring
Bruises more than we see
I couldn’t take another hit
Lights turned off inside of me
So I built a wall around my heart
Keep it in to keep it out
And nothing, when surrounded
Survives but fear and doubt
I believe Sara is sharing a personal experience in these verses. Possibly a traumatic, at the least a very stressful, event or events. The internalized pain has activated a numbing defense as her internal light is gone. It’s understandable, our mind wants to protect us from threats and we can’t always fight or run away from them. So, we freeze and build our walls. This impenetrable fortress will surely protect us from another injury.
Not so, Sara relates. Once you’ve closed yourself off, the pain is still there. Worse yet, fear and doubt, are depression’s two best friends.
She’s well-guarded from threats but miserable. Safe but not comfortable or secure. Renowned qualitative researcher and author Brene Brown notes in her Ted Talk on vulnerability that we cannot selectively numb ourselves to just the bad feelings. This statement means being guarded keeps you from feeling good and bad alike. Your walls don’t allow others to hurt you but feel no joy, accomplishment, or love can get through those walls either. These feelings motivate, drive us, and make life worth living. And to experience them you must risk sadness, failure, and rejection. In other words, you go forth tenderheartedly accepting life’s injuries and willingly sharing them with others. That willingness to be vulnerable is what heals the hurt. Confronting it and integrating it into your story. And when you share that story, you can heal both yourself and others.
A sentiment reflected in the closing chorus.
God bless the tenderhearted
Who will love us face to face
And share the love and kindness
They were given on the way
They have lost and been broken
More than we will ever know
But it’s the tenderhearted
Who let life overflow
Yes, it’s the tenderhearted who let life overflow
Now we know why Sara considers the tenderhearted a blessing. She’s been rescued from her darkness by someone who knows her pain and loves her through it. Someone has modeled for her how to live life by accepting the pain and then expressing it, perhaps through this very song. Telling your story is quite powerful. In my education, I was taught that one of the goals of therapy is to help our clients tell their stories. Brene Brown agrees as she identifies that an arcane definitely of courage is to tell one’s story with their whole heart. I’m confident Sara is doing that with this song and the album it concludes.
Listening to the song on repeat while writing this article, I noticed her voice lifts and there’s a hopeful quality to it. It’s really inspiring. We’re not treated to another verse, but the contrasting verses and vocals lead me to believe there was a resolution to Sara’s episode of pain. It doesn’t mean she won’t feel sadness again, but perhaps she has a new chapter of her story to share. One that will inspire others to keep going. Breathe in, let it out, and go with that hope you feel now.
For more information on Sara Watkins, please visit sarawatkins.com