Over the past year, I’ve had a difficult time writing album reviews. I’m not above sharing my opinions on records, but in today’s journalistic climate, it seems a little redundant without a specific angle. Or to put it in another way, I’ve been in sort of a funk. To get over this hurdle, my good friend (and showrunner at this publication) offered me a solution: Listen to a record and write down my thoughts in real-time. No research. No angles. No repeat listens. I usually let albums sink-in before writing a piece but this seems like a fun idea. The album? Rob Zombie‘s latest, The Lunar Injection Kool-Aid Eclipse Conspiracy.
Before we begin, I have to clear the air on my preconceptions of Rob Zombie and his musical endeavors.
I’m not what you would call a huge fan of Zombie. I really enjoyed Astro-Creep: 2000 upon its release, but I was 13 years old and probably just stoked to hear metal with a horror movie aesthetic. Hellbilly Deluxe was a lot of fun as well, but even at 15, I knew it was all forgettable fluff. The musical equivalent of junk food. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! To me, Zombie has always been the poor man’s Ministry so I never expect too much from his albums.
It’s also worth noting that outside a few singles here and there, I haven’t listened to a full Rob Zombie album in its entirety since the aforementioned Hellbilly Deluxe. So this should be interesting!
With all that said, here are my first impressions of The Lunar Injection Kool-Aid Eclipse Conspiracy by Rob Zombie.
“Expanding The Head Of Zed”
This interlude opening kinda is like the theme song, I’m guessing. Zombie has always been more style than substance. Not unlike the ascension on the first hill of a rollercoaster?
“The Triumph of King Freak (A Crypt of Preservation and Superstition)”
The repeated line “the demons hate you” under a layer of distortion already reminds me of the opening of “Living Dead Girl” so that’s cool. The guitar riff is very thick and chunky but it sounds like digital garbage. That’s a bummer because I know John 5 is a fantastic guitarist. The little Edgar Winter Group-esque funky interlude is cool though. I also dig the turntable scratching right after.
“The Ballad of Sleazy Rider”
Another intro with a sample of a B-movie. 20 seconds in and this track is basically just the hook from “Dragula” over and over. I can’t understand what the lyrics are but does it really matter? Oh how cute, a faux-live sing-along section complete with “c’mon everybody” banter. Tracks tailor-made for live shows are a lot of fun. Corny, but fun. Extra points for the outro reminding me of the music from Disney’s Haunted Mansion ride!
“Hovering Over the Dull Earth”
This is just a 20-second digital static sample probably made in Garage Band. That’s lazy and lame. Boo.
“Shadow of the Cemetery Man”
I don’t know, this track sounds like some kind of under-developed hook for a song that should end up on the cutting room floor. “Alright everybody on the count of three…one two three.” is another call to arms for live shows but even more corny than the last time. The honky-tonk metal country vibe is interesting though. It should’ve leaned into that a little more.
“A Brief Static Hum and Then the Radio Blared”
Another interlude already? I’m beginning to think these things are just padding.
“18th Century Cannibals, Excitable Morlocks and a One-Way Ticket on the Ghost Train”
Ah, so this song does lean into the country thing quite a bit more. Zombie’s straddling of redneck visuals is on full display here. Unfortunately, when it jumps into metal territory with the chorus it loses any momentum it built with the country chicken pickin’. Come to think of it, this reminds me of Revolting Cocks or one of Al Jourgensen’s many side projects outside Ministry. I’m not sure if Uncle Al would be proud or insulted.
“The Eternal Struggles of the Howling Man”
I love the horror movie organ intro. That’s what Zombie does best. But once again, it’s ruined by textbook alt-metal riffs complete with “O’right O’right O’right” lyrics. Imagine Mathew McConaughey’s character from Dazed & Confused fronting a Nu Metal group in 1998. Only not as endearing of course. Oh yeah and this song should’ve been 2 minutes, not 5.
Imagine Mathew McConaughey’s character from Dazed & Confused fronting a Nu Metal group in 1998.
“The Much Talked of Metamorphosis”
I wasn’t expecting an Ennio Morricone-inspired acoustic ballad but it’s a welcomed addition! Although it sounds more like something you’d hear on an anime in the 80s than a legit western, it’s quite beautiful! Kudos to the instrumentation here.
“The Satanic Rites of Blacula”
The title alone is awesome. Combining a Blacksploitation film with my favorite Christopher Lee Hammer film is genius! The beat is a lot of fun in this track. The vocals and the 1960s guitar lick remind me of early Alice Cooper, which is always a good thing. I wish it was mixed a little better though. All I hear is the vocals, but that’s nitpicky.
“Shower of Stones”
Good Lord, another interlude? I honestly think we’ve heard this one already.
“Shake Your *** Smoke Your Grass”
I can already tell this song was written with strip clubs in mind. Or at least for a scene in one of Zombie’s movies where his wife also plays a stripper. I’m all for cinematic flair but this is kinda eye-rolling. It would probably be a little fun if it weren’t so obnoxious.
“Boom-Boom-Boom”
This sounds like Ministry but in a good way. Come to think of it, it’s kind of weird how it took 13 tracks to get to that. I spoke too soon. “Boom Boom Boom, the witch is in the room” is some cringe-worthy lyrics. I’m certain this is another stripper song. I like the guitar solo at the end though, it reminds me of The Cramps or Gene Vincent.
“What You Gonna Do with That Gun Mama?”
Yet another interlude. This one sounds like a stage of a Sega CD rail shooter.
“Get Loose”
Look at that! A song title with only TWO words! I’m also happy to hear that sweet sweet Ministry influence once again too. The little sitar solo is cool too, but I could already see it as an excuse to have it in another stripper scene in a music video. Then again, Rob Zombie makes better videos than songs so that’s fitting. All ripping aside, this is one of the better songs on the album so far.
“The Serenity of Witches”
These interludes are getting ridiculous. I swear I’ve heard this on a menu screen of a Playstation game in 1995.
“Crow Killer Blues”
Yes! That creepy horror movie organ is back! So are the Ministry vocals! Those gnarly pinched harmonics on John 5’s guitar remind me of Tommy Victor, which is always a nice addition. As a matter of fact, this particular track sort of reminds me of Danzig 5: Blackacidevil. Ol’ Zombie seems to be buttering me up something fierce with this song! I guess a horror movie is only as good as its final act, yeah?
And that’s it! The first Rob Zombie record I’ve listened to front to back in over 20 years! I can’t say it’s something I’d be going back to immediately but it wasn’t overly bad. If anything it’s sort of forgettable much like I expected. To be honest, I can’t really remember much about it despite ending merely seconds ago. But going by the album and song titles alone, it’s obvious Zombie is having a good time and maybe even poking a little fun at himself? Just like the grindhouse horror B movies that inspired it, The Lunar Injection Kool-Aid Eclipse Conspiracy is a brainless exercise in spectacle and fan service. Even if you’re not into that sort of thing, you really can’t help but have a good time.