This month, Old Academy Anew explores one of Cary Grant’s first movies as protagonist: She Done Him Wrong. Here, he throws his handsome prowess against silver-screen bombshell, Mae West. Barely an hour long, this movie aims to tell you a story; it goes about it in the most convoluted and visually appealing way, but it still tries. Whether it is successful or not, depends on your own preferences. You’ll find mine at the end of this exploration. Spoilers, conspiracies, and pre-code shenanigans ahead. You have been warned.
THE FLOOZY EXPERIENCE
According to social media, the current world is at odds with female-led entertainment. Well, the title card of this film tells us it wasn’t always that way. The gal was the main character; the dudes were there just to prop her up, not the other way around.
Credits end, and another card gives us time and place for our story. Less than forty words explain when and where we are– plus the kind of people we’re about to encounter. Such brevity would be unthinkable in 2024. We get a visual taste of Lower Manhattan’s daily life at the Bowery. The decent folk in horse-drawn vehicles and bicycles are shiny and proper. Contrast that with the brimming bars and the street music in broad daylight occupying the same space. Still, everybody is well-suited and hat-wearing, no matter how shit-faced they are.
We finally arrive at our destination, where we’re assaulted with that made-up movie accent concocted to infer NYC. The menfolk entrenched in this locale discuss the newest acquisition to enhance the place.
SHE DONE HIM WRONG HYPES ITS FEMALE LEAD WITH SUCH ENTHUSIASM IN THESE FIRST MINUTES YOU WOULD THINK THE PATRONS WITHIN THE SPACE HAVE NEVER SEEN A WOMAN BEFORE. NEVERTHELESS, IT’S DONE IN A FUN AND ENGAGING WAY IF YOU TAKE THE TIME TO PUT YOURSELF AT THE TIME OF THE FILM’S DEBUT. REMEMBER, THIS IS A 1930S MOVIE ABOUT PEOPLE IN THE 1890S.
Hype aside, other things are afoot. We hear names and reasons, traps and intentions. None of it has meaning to us yet, but plotting and back-stabbing seem like the keys to survival here. All this cloak and dagger is sprinkled with quippy exchanges that’d put Marvel to shame. “Ever since I sang that song it’s been haunting me,” says a woman beside a piano player. “It should haunt you. You murder it” is the ivory tickler’s deadpan response, cigarette hanging from his lips.
We ain’t wasting time trying to call most people by their characters’ names. Only two characters matter here; both portrayed by actors who have transcended characterization to become icons. A 29-year-old Cary Grant enters the scene looking like a snack. Today, his uniform would imply that he’s the boy-toy chauffeur of a Russian Oligarch; in 1890 (1930?), it made him a police captain. Who would have thunk? (Say that with a Mid-Atlantic accent and have fun.)
Through dialog we learn Grant is in charge of a mission nearby. The word “mission” makes my PTSD flare up. Flashbacks of A Place in the Sun (1951) surge. Thankfully, we never see the place, only hear about it. Phew. The owner of the establishment shows up, none too thrilled to see Snack Grant intent on saving his customers. They exchange words, giving us more backstory, and then Owner moves to one of the original plotters. Mistress West takes the forefront again. If this were a reverse Bechdel test, the film would fail miserably. Owner shows Plotter a big rock he bought for our protagonist, and the hype continues.
HERE THE SUBTEXT AIN’T SUBTERRANEAN, BUT IT IS REFRESHING TO WATCH A MOVIE THAT EXPECTS YOU TO FOLLOW IT WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR HAND OR WIPING THE DROOL FROM YOUR CHIN. SHE DONE HIM WRONG GIVES YOU A LOT OF INFORMATION; AND YET, IT’S MORE ABOUT THE WORDS NOT SPOKEN THAN THOSE UTTERED.
The embodiment of a movie goon comes to tell Owner some people await him in his office. We meet Russian Rita (tee hee) and her current arm candy, sorry, assistant, Sergei; both in league with Owner in some scheme. Obviously West comes up because you can’t go two minutes without mentioning her. Nevertheless, she’s to be kept out of the scheme and its consequences.
We cut to busy, sunny streets and focus on an open horse-drawn carriage with two drivers; the kind tourists use in our century to sightseeing in Da Big Apple. We finally meet Mae West, parasol in hand, radiating power and certainty as the carriage clip-clops to her domain. She ignores the disdain of “decent” ladies and graciously accepts the admiration of eager gentlemen. The Lady of the House finds Rita, Arm Candy, and Owner and exchange introductions and pleasantries. We already got a one-liner from West, but the second bubbles as Sergei comments he’s heard a lot about her. “Yeah, but you can’t prove it,” mumbles Mistress West with saccharine sauciness. More chat and one-liners, amid the inspection of some photo plaques of West for a calendar and others for the boudoir. Taking to the stairs, she turns to one of her guests. “I suppose I’ll be seeing you around, Rita.” “Oh, yes, yes!” agrees the scheming woman. West looks at Sergei over her shoulder and purrs, “And you Mister… uh-huh.”
Russian Rita barks at Arm Candy to break the spell as they follow Owner to finish their meeting. I’m not going to question the logistics of them being out of the office to meet West; my brain is mush after 3 minutes around her. The trio simply reconvenes to finalize their machinations.
OF SAINTS AND TRAMPS
STILL IN ACT ONE AND WITH MERELY TWO MINUTES OF GRANT AND THREE OF WEST, SHE DONE HIM WRONG FEELS LIKE THE OPENING MINUTES OF A RANDOM EPISODE OF A SITCOM ON ITS SECOND SEASON. YOU NEVER WATCHED SEASON ONE, BUT YOU HAVE A VAGUE IDEA OF WHAT’S HAPPENING BECAUSE THE ARCHETYPES ARE CLEAR, AND YOU’RE JUST WAITING FOR THE PLOT TO SHOW UP.
West gets to her quarters and calls for her lady-in-waiting– ‘cause she’s a fukken queen. Let’s dub this diverse 1930s character “assistant” to keep the easily triggered at bay. I mean, I don’t think she assists West in the way Sergei assists Rita, but who knows? If you’ve seen Gone with the Wind (1939), you know what kind of character I’m talking about.
They have one of those illogical conversations that make no sense for people who have been around each other for a while; pure exposition for the viewer. I’m gonna let it slide because it’s still peppered with fun Mae-West-isms. We leave the sumptuous room for another part of the establishment to meet Inciting Incident. This woman (can’t remember her name) has simply come to the place to off herself. West’s den of iniquity has nothing to do with her reasons for deletion, but the writers needed something to happen to move this thing along.
One employee smacks Inciting Incident to keep her from accomplishing her goal. Long story short, she ends up with West, who instructs her in the ways of the world. At the end of this therapy/makeover montage, Inci-Inci wonders what man would want her after what she’s done. “Listen, when women go wrong, men go right after them,” counters Sage West. For plot purposes, Inci-Square lands in Russian Rita’s hands; you know, to help the poor soul back to her feet. Sure. Why not?
Done with “The Girl Who Wanted a Ticket to Afterlife” we go back to Mistress West and her assistant. This conversation is still an infodump but with a bit more logic since they talk about Police Captain Grant. Diverse Assistant keeps calling him a priest and West keeps correcting her.
THE FACT THAT SHE DONE HIM WRONG KEEPS TRYING TO TELEGRAPH ITS SUPPOSED RESOLUTION WITHOUT GIVING US A CONVINCING PATH TO ACHIEVE IT IT’S A TRIUMPH UNTO ITSELF; AFTER ALL, THE JOURNEY IS MEANT TO BE MORE ALLURING THAN THE DESTINATION.
Owner’s goon, who seems to be more loyal to West than to Owner, comes to talk to her about the previous resident of her heart. Although, parodying my namesake: Garcia Marquez, “her heart ain’t a house but a hotel,” dude might’ve had the presidential suite. Nevertheless, her former whatever has been in the clink for about a year with zero visits from her. Man is getting restless not knowing what West is up to.
Now, this could be me being smart, or a writer, or just a seasoned fukker, but I call BS there. We know people in the Big House aren’t completely removed from what’s happening outside; especially if they have been big-time crooks like dude’s supposed to be. So he ought to know Miss Mumbles is under the protection of another “entrepreneur.” Any-hoo, Goon guilts her into a visit in the following days.
Because this place is Grand Central Station, Captain Cary Grant happens to be crossing it when a petty criminal crashes in, seeking a hideout. He begs for Grant’s help, and Grant covers for him when a flatfoot officer shows up. Flatfoot is visibly older, but Grant still outranks him; yet, the mustachioed cliché acts extremely disrespectfully. Nonetheless, this is all a ruse on the writers’ part; nothing but a contrivance to put West in a position to back up Grant as he protects the sobbing thief. Owner enters the scene, none too happy to see Grant there– again, but takes Flatfoot away. West and Grant have their first face-to-face of the film. Not in a romantic comedy meet-cute way; but in a “Mmm, I always liked a man in uniform from West, and Grant clutching his pearls self-deprecatingly” way.
THAT PRESENTLY UNREMARKABLE PAST
A LOT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE FORTY MINUTES LEFT OF SHE DONE HIM WRONG. ABOUT HALF OF IT WON’T MAKE SENSE, BUT IT’S GOING TO BE ENTERTAINING. MORE THAN YOU CAN SAY ABOUT 75% OF THE MOVIES COMING TO CINEMAS TODAY.
This 90-year-old movie is amusing in concept and execution. Not only because it’s basically a vehicle for Mae West to be Mae West, but because it also showcases how low is our current bar. Actors not acting but being themselves is nothing new; it’s what you do with that persona (whether real or fictional) that matters.
The question that fuels this column surges to face Mae West and Cary Grant; smeared with all the things we know about them today. Can we make this movie in 2024? Fuck no. Still, I bet your reasons for that conclusion may differ from my reasons.
First, this is the kind of film that wouldn’t make sense in any other setting than the 1890s. Yes, you have crooks and conservatives trying to save the perceived damned in every decade. Yet, this is a picture of a very specific moment in time; clearly painted with the racy pigments of pre-code Hollywood. Nevertheless, those forty-odd years aren’t as removed from its setting as our present mentality is removed from both eras.
Second, the obsession with subverting and twisting historical knowledge will Bridgerton the fuck out of the cast. I am far from being against widening the range of Brawn and Beauty cast in any production. What I don’t endorse is grabbing shit that doesn’t need to be remade and change its logical components. Perhaps it’s society’s fault for allowing uncreative morons to fall upwards. Maybe we need to stop rewarding bare minimum efforts like they are equal to conquering the fukken Everest.
SHE DONE HIM WRONG IS THE PRODUCT OF A TIME WHEN STAR POWER WAS A THING, ENTERTAINING THE AUDIENCE WAS A MUST, AND THE MESSAGE WAS HINTED NOT HAMMERED. THE STORY IS SIMPLE AND DONE A MILLION TIMES, BUT, YOU GOTTA REMEMBER THIS IS SO OLD– IT MIGHT JUST BE ONE OF THE FIRST TIMES SOMEONE DID IT.
Third, never mind changing the visual composition of the characters; nuance and intention left Hollywood quite a while ago, and everything is a war of ideologies today. Empowerment means being a C word, a B word, and putting every man in a mile radius down. Dudes can only be assholes or weaklings, nothing in between. Our society, so stubbornly focused on non-binarism, still sees everything in two-way terms when it’s convenient to their drama.
I highly recommend watching She Done Him Wrong if you want an hour of fun, undiluted escapism. 7 out of 10, though; the film could have used more Cary Grant and less old mustachioed dudes with cigars and bowler hats.
SHE DONE HIM WRONG is available on Amazon Prime.
