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Gwen Stefani Christmas Album Sucks
Home
Album Reviews

Gwen Stefani: You Make It Feel Like Christmas | ‘Tis the season to rethink holiday albums

Haley Lewis·
Album ReviewsFeatured
·October 17, 2017·15 Comments

Where do I even begin?

Why was a Christmas album released in early October? Why is Gwen trying to sound country on half the record? Why does this record need to exist?

Gwen Stefani You Make It Feel Like Christmas Review

Regardless of the asinine release date, Gwen put out a Christmas album before Halloween- and, needing a good laugh, I decided to review it.

Let me begin by expressing my innate distaste for Christmas music as a whole: It’s nothing but commercial, sugary garbage that grants the artist easy sales and a guaranteed cash-grab without having to put forth much effort in the process. Alas, it is now Gwen’s turn to reap in the harvest of simple consumerism.

Of the 12 tracks on You Make It Feel Like Christmas, six are original songs from Gwen Stefani.

  • “My Gift Is You”
  • “When I Was A Little Girl”
  • “You Make It Feel Like Christmas”
  • “Under the Christmas Lights”
  • “Never Kissed Anyone With Blue Eyes Before You”
  • “Christmas Eve”

THEY ARE ALL TERRIBLE.

“My Gift Is You” is Shania Twain-esque and is the first of too many songs on You Make It Feel Like Christmas where Stefani is seemingly fawning over Blake Shelton like he was sent down to Earth from heaven in God’s golden chariot.

I have to give it to Stefani however for doing what I considered impossible- producing a track in 2017 worse than Weezer‘s “Feels Like Summer.” That great feat is the song “When I Was A Little Girl.” Whiny, horrifically sung vocals permeate the entire track. The music is somber-ish, eliciting the same effect as a Hallmark Christmas movie when the protagonist is living out the low point of their cheesy existence. The lyrics are just as terrible as the vocals, and creepy as hell.

“When I was a little girl
I wondered who I’d give all my love to
I asked Santa who he’d recommend
It’s hard to believe I was so innocent”

So she thinks the only point of life is to give someone her virginity? Cringe-worthy is putting it mildly, folks.

Blake Shelton appearing on this album was inevitable, and he does so on the country-pop title track “You Make It Feel Like Christmas.” That’s really all the song has going for it, and that’s not much.

 

YouTube player

“Under the Christmas Lights” is… well, stupid. Every time I listen to it I end up shaking my head and contemplating the future of music as a whole. I will just leave you with some of the captivating lyrics that await you:

“Late night, gotta do the wrapping
Running out of tape
You know how to always get me laughin’
And why you such a babe?“

SMH.

Gwen Stefani Christmas 2017

The vomit-inducing lyricism doesn’t cease there, either. For some reason a song about the life goal of Gwen’s to kiss someone with blue eyes (sigh…what a dreamer) made it onto this album, just spun as a Christmas jingle. As if we needed any more proof You Make It Feel Like Christmas was created solely for the money…

“I never kissed anyone with blue eyes before you
I’m hearing silver bells when your lips do what they do
You’re getting these brown eyes seeing color it’s so true
I never kissed anyone with blue eyes before you

You make everyday feel just like a holiday
You’re the answer to the every night prayer I pray
Now I’ve got you, everything’s feeling brand new
You make everyday feel just like a holiday”

The last original from Stefani is the closing track, “Christmas Eve.” Like the majority of the covers on here (or, the other half of the album) this song is an incredible bore.

It has nothing that would ever make you want to hear it again: no catchy chorus, no great song crafting, no real rhythm… YAWN.

I intentionally left out remarks on the six Christmas covers found on You Make It Feel Like Christmas because they lack any originality and are simply sugary, airy produced Christmas songs that we all have heard a thousand times before -only Stefanified. But they are as follows:

  • “Jingle Bells”
  • “Let It Snow”
  • “Silent Night”
  • “Last Christmas” – (How dare anyone cover WHAM!)
  • “Santa Baby”

The only exception is “Santa Baby,” which is about the most fitting song Gwen could have chosen to cover, her vocals matching extremely well with the song’s personality.

I guess we can now say Gwen Stefani has done one more thing for the world aside from teaching us all how to spell ‘bananas’, she has given us a song to hear on a future Target Christmas ad with heavy rotation. Seriously, just wait.

Rating: 4/10. ‘Tis the season to rethink holiday albums.

 

Related

Album reviewChristmasGwen StefaniYou Make It Feel Like Christmas

Haley Lewis

Avid reader. Mushroom hunter. Gamer. Vinyl spinner. BA in Religious Studies.

15 Responses

  1. Pariah Jones says:
    October 18, 2017 at 4:56 PM

    This article is brilliant.

    Reply
    1. Haley Lewis says:
      October 18, 2017 at 6:03 PM

      Thank you!

      Reply
  2. kcputri (@kcputri) says:
    October 18, 2017 at 6:17 PM

    How kind of you to spend your time to review a Christmas album with your innate distate of Christmas music and sincere intentions.

    Reply
    1. Haley Lewis says:
      October 18, 2017 at 8:12 PM

      Why thank ya! Merry Christmas!

      Reply
  3. GWENN says:
    October 18, 2017 at 7:37 PM

    if you dont like holiday music why are reviewing a holiday album? it is a waste of time to even talk about something you already know you dont like? this is why music reviews are a thing of the past. negative music reviews waste everyones time just like this article has wasted mine. merry christmas

    Reply
    1. Haley Lewis says:
      October 18, 2017 at 8:14 PM

      Why would negative reviews be a waste of time? Because if only positive reviews existed, then why have critics at all?

      Reply
  4. emma says:
    October 19, 2017 at 7:29 AM

    I have lost hope that the Gwenbots will ever admit that she can’t sing and never could. One review said she ‘tried hard’. That’s like getting a fourth grade ‘participation trophy’ The sad part is there are so many talented singers and songwriters out there who can’t catch a break.

    Reply
    1. Haley Lewis says:
      October 19, 2017 at 7:52 AM

      Emma, couldn’t agree more! I would love to know what review said she tried hard, that’s adorable.

      Reply
  5. M. says:
    October 20, 2017 at 7:33 PM

    Gwen Sucksani

    Reply
    1. Haley Lewis says:
      October 21, 2017 at 7:01 PM

      AMEN

      Reply
  6. Tyler says:
    December 22, 2017 at 9:38 PM

    Gotta say, I’m late to this article but while watching a Target Ad none the less I just had to find a good negative review of this damn album of hers. I’ve never needed to actually listen to it to know how awful it must be. Thank you for wasting your time listening to this garbage and thank you for writing this magnificent article.

    Reply
    1. Haley Lewis says:
      December 23, 2017 at 8:15 AM

      You’re welcome Tyler, and thank you for taking the time to seek out my review! Hope you have a Stefani-free holiday, even though her album is being spread all over the airwaves like sewage.

      Reply
  7. Laura says:
    December 24, 2017 at 12:26 AM

    I do not understand how her “special” was ever produced. She’s pretty, but dull, bad voice, can’t sell concerts…just needs to retire. She seems very fake! How anyone gets this is beyond me…but please, do tell if you have a different perspective 🙂

    Reply
    1. Haley Lewis says:
      December 24, 2017 at 6:51 AM

      Thanks for commenting Laura! I guess it is the Stefani package people love, fake or not. Just like how they are shoving her “perfect” relationship with Blake Shelton down our throats. I can’t imagine she will be so popular in the next decade though. LET US HOLD OUT HOPE.

      Reply
  8. Andrea B Cox says:
    December 23, 2019 at 11:08 AM

    I specifically went to google when I was looking for some comments on how bad this woman really is at singing after I witnessed the NBC show last week. I being a No Doubt fan and that music genre, I felt bad for Gwen how she looked the part but what came out of her mouth was worse that cats scratching a blackboard. Yes the lyrics are really really bad but the actual singing was horrendous. She has a terrible voice and I can’t help but think that Blake set this entire thing up to show her off. She is a performer and not a singer. She does not have the vocals for a show like this. This is what I would of expected at a karaoke bar performance. I would never be able to humiliate myself that way. And how could everyone involved, tell her, ” you sound great”. Blake didn’t see or hear this and say, lets re think this? After the first song or two, we continued to watch just to see how bad this show was gonna get. To my amazement it was worse than karaoke. Im sorry Gwen that no one told you the truth. Ugh..

    Reply

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