Sun Kil Moon Sucks so bad

Sun Kil Moon/Jesu Bonus Track (Stream / Download)

Sun Kil Moon Jesu Bonus TrackEditors Note: We have an exclusive stream / download of a Sun Kil Moon/Jesu b-side that didn’t make the album’s cut. Scroll down.

What happens when you layer the massively blown-out ego of wacky misogynist Mark Kozelek (aka Sun Kil Moon) over mumbled diary entries/skeet poetry croonings and some lazy Jesu B-sides? The best album ever written! That’s what you get!

Kozelek is such a pivotal and important person in all of our lives; even if you have never heard of him or his past projects, he has touched you with his humanitarian works in some way.

It’s truly a gift for him to finally release an album detailing his integral presence in music and our non-Kozelek lives. In fact, on the track humbly titled, “America’s Most Wanted Mark Kozelek and John Dillinger,” he reads you a heartfelt and deeply personal letter from a crazed pregnant fan, detailing how Kozelek has made such a profound impact on her life. Even her baby writhes around when it hears his voice! Let’s have a look:

I’ve seen so many of my musical loves in the last 30 years, and you were one of the few outstanding but one of the most important. I also got to share it with my husband, and my baby growing inside of me reacted with lots of kicks and movement, which made it more personal for me…”

Fuck Mark KozelekIsn’t that wonderful? Kozelek also reads another letter of praise on the modestly titled, “Last Night I Rocked The Room Like Elvis and Had Them Laughing Like Richard Pryor.” Who he is clearly carrying the torches for.

Unfortunately only two letters out of Kozelek’s Santa sac full of fan mail are shared with us on Sun Kil Moon/Jesu. I would personally love a 3-day box set of Kozelek reading all of his mail and maybe even errands lists over Merzbow.

All in all, if you are into slowing down a Sleigh Bells album to the lowest speed possible and having Bruce Springsteen slobber all over it, then this is your dream come true! The pretension on this album is so tangible that it makes Father John Misty look like Malala.

Prince Dove Rating SystemWith a couple redeeming tracks like “Fragile”, this album saved itself from Prince’s soul-scooter… or did it?

Rating: 0 out of 6 Doves: After hearing Sun Kil Moon/Jesu, Prince told his managers to track down as many copies of this album that they could find so he could run them over with his Soul Scooter for a public shaming. The fact that he had to waste time doing this made him even more angry and he proceeded to file lawsuits against the band for having to endure the “Purple Pain” caused by how fucking awful this Sun Kil Moon/Jesu was.

Editors Note: We have an exclusive stream / download of a Sun Kil Moon/Jesu b-side that didn’t make the album’s cut. Listen / download below.

Lyrics:

“Little diddy about jack and cray-anne, two Brooklyn babies sprawling out in their painted van. Sippin’ jameson out of a knit cock-sock, one she was selling on Etsy but kept it for me. I sued my mom for Coachella tickets and took my old sweet heart down to H and M and bought her an ascot, 3 coin purses and a sombrero. I used to work at my dad’s office but I lost that job to the great depression when they built a railroad straight through it so I bought a pitbull and named it after every one of my favorite Wes Anderson characters and as the ATM rejected my debit card I breastfed 2 homeless pigeons and they thought I was on Sons of Anarchy and I rode a motorcycle named Springsteen straight into a Williamsburg sunset and told those birds, those stool pigeons, I love Third Eye Blind, I fucking love Third Eye Blind and when the Indian food gets caught in my moustache I wink at the art school girls, eating burritos with chopsticks and I think to myself, I have an average cock, with an average wife, I am the Easy Rider. Zooming by American landmarks like the Alamo, the great pyramids, and the red hot chili peppers. I sold my sperm on Tindr to an above average chick, her birthday is on Easter and I traded our baby for IKEA coupons and shot guns at the sun, big guns that you hold with two hands like the cowboys of New York used to. I smoked all the American spirits right at the same time, made some pasta jewelry and sang “Fuck the Police” at Daphne’s quinceanera in Chelsea. I put spaghetti on the hibachi and a feather in my pee-hole and dusted the Lou Reed exhibit at the rock and roll wax museum. I was wearing an Alice in Chain’s blouse and a trench coat when I bought tickets to the Orgy concert. Got Blue Monday tattooed on my lower back and used it as my main profile pic on my Instagram and made more friends than Father John Misty. We shared a blunt wrapped in one of Steven Tyler’s scarves and Father John Misty and I 69’d, 69’d, 69’d (10x)”