Radio hits. I’ve never been much of a radio guy. The local rock stations are usually my go to, but as soon as Nickelback comes on it’s headphone time again. I have always strayed to the alternative path when it comes to music and culture, so with that said I offer up to you my top 10 most annoying songs of 2014. In no particular order because you can’t order vomit as it’s too slippery. Prepare to be disgusted. Or hate me forever.
The Top 10 Most Annoying Songs of 2014
#10 – Ed Sheeran – “Don’t”
Have you ever heard a song and assumed that it was sung by a person that is not white? Kinda like whatever it is that Gwen Stefani does? Yeah that’s not what happened here for me. I instantly knew this R&B tune was sung by a man of the pastier pigment, but I definitely thought – NO! Just no. This is not to say that this new kid on the block is not talented, but ginger men from across the pond are supposed to play celtic tunes while sucking down endless barrels of old scotch. Right? Anyways this song does the complete opposite of what it was supposed to do; whatever that was.
#9 – Bastille – “Flaws”
While we are on the topic of artists not from America, but from England making R&B type stuff, let me add this one to the list. “FLAAawWs” – Umm, eww. I heard this one on the radio and had to painfully listen to it as a co-worker enjoyed it and added to the pain by singing along way out of key. As if it isn’t already! Decent lyrics, but oh so not decent music and vocals. Can’t stand it ya’ll. It is a flaw.
#8 – Taylor Swift – “Shake It Off”
If Swift shakes it off one more time I think I am going to start living under a rock. I have never been a fan, and I know that she will just “Shake it off,” but I don’t care. I am a hater and I am not afraid to say it. #Sorrynotsorry, but sorry if you watch this video.
#7 – One Direction – “Steal My Girl”
The ONLY good thing about this pile of puke is that Danny DeVito is in the music video (hopefully it does not damage his career). And that is it. Otherwise it is more of what we grew sick and tired of seeing/hearing the first time we painfully heard “I Want It That Way.” Hey, boy bands, it’s all been done. Please just stop!
#6 – Nicki Minaj – “Anaconda”
This kind of stuff makes me wonder if some “artists” should make music or porn? I mean let’s get logical, would you want your small children seeing this crap? I get that I sound old school conservative, but I am a music purist. Let music be music, not…whatever overly-sexualized rip off cover this pile of vomit happens to be. Hate me for saying it, but not only is this annoying, it is a sorry excuse to use music as a means to exploit Nicki Minaj’s booty/fantasies upon us. I get it when artists use soulful music to convey such notions (i.e. Marvin Gaye – “Sexual Healing”), but when it’s turned into complete ‘only sex sells’ material, I just can’t dig it. Great if you do, but just remember that music was meant to be so much more than eye candy and lyrics that make us feel like we bathed in a sewer. #Justsayin – VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED 😉
#5 – Five Finger Death Punch – “House of the Rising Sun”
I heard Prodigy “Firestarter” on the radio a while ago, and then I heard this song. Not very comparable, but the fact of the matter is that FFDP is not at all original and their vocal delivery is absolute boredom. Yeah it’s cool and fast, but so is Korn’s but they don’t suck. All in all this song is just a waste of time and electricity and I think this band should just disappear along with all the other nu-metal badass wannabes that are calling Fred Durst for advice.
#4 – Black Veil Brides – “Heart Of Fire”
Mhmm. More carp. These modern “rock” bands that are trying to be all hard and cool are just starting to get annoying. Honestly, for someone who critiques music, this song is absolutely terrible. There is no creativity in any part of it. The solo is even tired and lame. Ugh, stop trying. Nails on a chalkboard Andy Biersack. Nails on a chalkboard…
#3 – Justin Bieber – “Backpack” ft. Lil Wayne
This wouldn’t be a complete list if the Biebs wasn’t on it! Doesn’t really matter what song of his I pick (or whatever song he takes credit for that someone else poorly wrote), they are all bad. I don’t even know if this is a legit video or what and I don’t care, it all just sucks. By the way, Canada, you can have Biebs back now that ‘Merica turnt him into a gangsta!
#2 – 5 Seconds of Summer – “She Looks So Perfect”
So, are the major labels strategically forming pop-punk-pop-rock boy bands now? No, I am serious, are they?? If so, this band is exactly that in so many ways. Really makes me want to puke. Gone are the days when you see guitars and a drum set, and you think, “Oh, maybe this band will be half decent…” Then you hear it and your naivety feels worse than the plastic break-up the song is about.
I just hope that NOFX would start kicking these kinds of bands in the teeth. But gently.
#1 – Our Lady Peace – “Won’t Turn Back”
I have always disliked O.L.P. basically because they are not that talented and the lead singer sounds like he lives with his head in a fish bowl. Or he just cannot sing. Anyways, I find this recent single of theirs a super lame attempt to rejoin the scene via let’s-just-try-and-sound-like-all-the-other-indie-bands-out-there-because-we-suck… yeah. This band really was never that good even when they were at their prime, and it is very annoying when bands who should call it quits, don’t. Unless you are actually awesome, like Finch.
Thanks for reading about garbage. I hope you enjoyed this utter and complete waste of your time. Here’s to a sense of humor. Cheers!